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What Is Autism Masking?
You may ask, what is autism masking? According to Healthline, autism masking is behaving in ways neurotypical people may see as socially acceptable to avoid negative social consequences such as embarrassment or even harassment.
People on the spectrum often mask to socially succeed, feel safe, and do well at school or work.
Self-Questions
1. Did I mask my autism when I was younger? Because I wasn't aware of how socially unacceptable many of my behaviours were, let alone understood my ASD diagnosis, I would often do and say what was on my mind. This behaviour resulted in some negative connections with others.
However, people who understood autism or were naturally friendly people tended to be either be more tolerant towards them or would work through these behaviours with me instead of being mean to or avoiding me.
2. Did I learn appropriate responses in my younger years? When I took ABA therapy, my parents and therapists would often let me know if I wanted a treat, do something fun out of the house, or engage in play with a friend, I would need to stop certain behaviours or behave in socially acceptable ways. If it weren't for the guidance from these adults, I wouldn't have picked up on social rules as well.
Of course, there were times when I was hesitant and wanted to do things my way, but if I knew behaving in a certain way would result in positive reinforcement, I would do so.
3. How did my masking relate to special interests? In my earlier years, I would talk about topics, often obsessively, without being aware that people around me often weren't interested in them.
For example, at seven, I was into road maps and would draw road maps with chalk on the driveway. I thought these maps were cool, but my brother, friends I had over, neighbors, and my mother's daycare kids seemed to consider it odd.
As I got older, I had people increasingly criticize me for my interests and I would learn that I didn't share many of the same interests as my peers. I got super sensitive to this to the point that when I was 10 or 11, I would even struggle to pick a book at the library or bring a book to read to class because of fear that peers may mock my book choice. Therefore, I wouldn't share my interests that often.
My fear of getting ridiculed for my interests was one of the reasons I isolated myself from peers more by the time I was around 12. One breaking point was on the bus, I overheard peers talk about how bad The Sims was and they wondered "Who still plays that?", which hurt me because it was one of my main childhood games (I still like it). I, of course, didn't say I liked The Sims.
I'm far more open about my interests today, however. I'm not afraid to let people know that I support autism acceptance, that I want writing to be a part of my career path, that I am a huge weather nerd, or that I'm better at the piano than any other instrument. At the end of the day, the people who respect those things matter the most in my life.
4. What about interacting with others? In the present and past, I have observed how people interact with each other to see how successful social interaction occurs. In terms of eye contact, I've gotten better at this, even though I still struggle with prolonged eye contact.
However, with facial expressions and body gestures, it's much harder because there is no mirror in front of me to see how I look when I talk to others. It's a little easier if I vlog, though.
Although I have tried to improve my non-verbal communication, it doesn't come to me naturally. In other words, it takes more effort.
5. Has masking given me any consequences? Unfortunately, I have experienced autistic burnout and increased anxiety around others over the years because of my masking efforts, sometimes to the point that I may do the wrong thing due to the anxiety.
As much as I want to mask and appear normal, I get frustrated with how much I struggle to do so. This is especially true when I've experienced social rejection. It's as if my efforts haven't really paid off.
On the other hand, I've had positive connections that I probably wouldn't have today if I were to behave the way I did over 20 years ago now.
Overall, while masking does help a person gain a sense of what society is like, the world would be a better place if we all accept each other for our idiosyncrasies.
YouTuber IndieAndy shares these thoughts on autistic masking.
RELATED: Exploring Autistic Burnout
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