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How did my belief in Santa start and finish as an autistic person? It was interesting, to say the least. My autism not only made me gullible at times, but I'm also the eldest child.
In Preschool and early elementary, Christmas was always one of the most exciting times of the year for me.
Going to the mall to see "Santa", school Christmas concerts, Christmas carols, candy canes and you name it. I loved it all.
Seeing Santa at the Mall
Early Years
I first learned about Santa as a preschooler through ABA therapy and that my mother would take my brother and me to see the Santa at our local mall.
Like most kids at that age, I obviously thought Santa was real and was visiting the mall from the North Pole.
My mother would help me interact with the Santa there to tell him what I wanted for Christmas, and we would get candy canes at the end. I also have a photo collection of me and my brother sitting on Santa's lap through the years. We did this every year until I was in the fourth grade.
Final Mall Santa Visit
Though unrelated to whether I thought Santa was real, the last time we went, there was a bad experience I still remember well.
After my mother, my brother, and I saw Santa, we ate at the East Side Mario's inside the mall. My brother and I were behaving silly.
What happened was we were looking out the restaurant windows on the second floor down into the food court (the mall's food court was on the main floor at the time), and we were watching and laughing about how people were eating their food.
My mother got furious and told us this was the last time we would ever see the mall Santa. I suspect part of her motive was to help us understand that the mall Santa isn't actually Santa.
Other "Santa Is Real" "Evidence"
A Fourth Grade Classmate's Story
In fourth grade, when we got back from our winter break, one of my classmates shared that he heard "Snow and Santa's footsteps on the roof." I genuinely thought Santa came to Oakville late overnight.
Based on my love for researching weather history, there was, according to Environment Canada, a snowstorm on Christmas that year. Those roof noises would have likely been snow coming down.
Grocery Store Incident
Additionally, I went shopping at Metro (Dominion at the time) with my father when I was 10. A Santa was standing outside the door. I asked him if he was the real Santa, and he said yes.
Subtle Santa Isn't Real Hints
Admin Dresses as Santa in Grade Three
I vaguely remember seeing "Santa" at both of my elementary schools. In particular, in third grade, I told one of my classmates, "I saw Santa!" The person's response was, "Cory, that's the vice principal!" I felt slightly embarrassed but still didn't lose hope that Santa was real despite that Santa not being so.
I started to understand that the whole Santa concept wasn't logical around the same time that the school Santa incident occurred.
He Can't Get Down the Chimney
I realized that Santa was too fat to slide down a chimney, but I kept getting mixed messages from others. I remember asking a couple of my cousins if they knew how he does it, and they told me they didn't know.
When I brought this up to my parents, my father said, "He shows up in our furnace." I still lived in my first house (townhouse) at the time, which didn't have a fireplace.
When we moved into our current house a year later, I believed Santa used the fireplace.
Christmas Films
Movies such as "Arthur's Perfect Christmas" and "Elf" gave me subtle hints that Santa wasn't real. Plus, since no Simpsons episodes I watched featured Santa coming to the house, I knew something was up.
Poor D.W. thought her uncle in red pajamas and shaving cream in the bathroom was Santa.
Also, of course, Will Ferrell (Buddy the Elf) exposed the mall Santa by pulling his beard off.
Santa Can't Visit Millions of Houses in One Night
By the time I was 11, I had understood that it made no sense for Santa to visit millions of houses in one night, and that magic couldn't exist that way but was convinced that every community had its own Santa.
13 Was My Time
I didn't know for sure that it was the parents who put the presents under the tree until I was 13 (more on that below).
It's embarrassing to share, I'll admit, but I try to look at it this way: I figured it out at a point where I wouldn't be devastated if I learned the cold, hard truth. I can't imagine learning Santa isn't the one giving the presents at seven, for example. I loved Christmas too much then.
The Most Memorable Experience of Them All and How I Learned Santa Isn't Real
Dad's Work Christmas Parties
My father's workplace would host children's Christmas parties every year throughout much of my childhood. The first one was at the office, one was at a laser tag place, some were at Dave and Buster's, but most of them were at my dad's former boss' condo's private community center.
The Santa at these parties especially stood out to me as "real". He had a jolly voice and a perfect Santa-like demeanour. He would tell me that he hopes the hot tub is nice when he visits our place. It made me think, "Wow! He really does seem real if he knows this stuff!"
Little did I know that it was actually one of my father's colleagues, to who my father would pass this information.
I knew this guy wasn't from the North Pole, but I still optimistically felt that every region had a Santa and that it would no way be someone who works with my father.
Dad's Workplace Baseball Event Discovery
One day, when I was 13, my father's workplace had a baseball event for families. This event was the first time I recall interacting with my father's "Santa" colleague out of the costume in length.
He helped me along the way as I struggled with sports. As he was doing so, I recognized the voice and realized he was the guy dressed as Santa at those parties. By then, the whole Santa concept had gone out the window for me.
Obviously, I felt a little betrayed afterward, but at the same time, I thought, "It's for the best that people enjoy the 'Santa is real' thing in childhood. Otherwise, Christmas would be partially ruined." I have still enjoyed Christmas every year despite this, though.
How Does This Relate to Autism?
As it takes often takes longer for me to pick up on trends and rules than others because of naivety, plus with my poor abstract thinking, it makes sense that some autistic people would take longer to learn that Santa isn't real compared to typically developing peers.
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